Hear me clearly, I truly believe that one is free to date anyone they please from any race or pigment. Heck, you can date a three-legged man for all I care. I mean, I have a non-sexual thing for Maasai men, Lets just say…I find them hypnotic and very National Geographic (but shhhh… don’t tell anyone) 😉 What is wrong is dating your partner with impure motives. Now that is rather disturbing!
I quickly learnt that romance with a white man was/is not like the kind Ridge Forester of The Bold And The Beautiful, portrayed on-screen. And I now know that a good man, good love, honesty, warm and gentle cuddles, caring, sincere passion and mind-blowing *ahem, ahem* ‘motion of the ocean’ has nothing to do with a man’s skin colour.
See, romance in my view, is a tool to enslave the heart and love? Love on the other hand, is free man…
I have acknowledged that a healthy breed of young black women are finding it rather fashionable to date outside their race for the wrong reasons. Yes, I said it! And I will say it again. A healthy breed of young black, beautiful women think it rather fashionable to date outside their race for the wrong reasons and that in my books is borderline self-hate.
Just because you have dated a long streak of losers, deadbeat-cheating manipulators who all belong to your racial group does not mean you will have better luck at dating a white man. Trust me, I know only too well. Deadbeat cheating manipulators do not only belong to one racial group of men, you know.
Maybe the answer to your romance (heart enslaving tool) problems is not crossing the colour line border but by internally dissecting why you are drawn to inappropriate partners. Because in an ideal world, no one dates interracially or otherwise because of external pressures that are influenced by what is trendy right now, so why would you? Is it because everyone is doing it? Does it look cool? You want to taste? Is it a fetish? Is the love more than skin deep or is it only skin deep? See, The interests and chemistry you have with a partner should be pure and not driven by sick ulterior motives. The only thing you will gain from that is a large bowl of heartache and vile insecurities. Remember this, an insecure person rarely makes a good partner and until you love yourself, you can’t thoroughly love yourself let alone another. <- Now, take that to the bank and cash it before you take that plunge!
Many black people think a black woman is ‘lucky’ when a white man peruses, dates and or marries her. Lucky? Really? REALLY? Are we that ashamed of our blackness to degrade ourselves in such a manner? Or has our intense brush with apartheid left us feeling and believing we are second best to ourselves? Is a black man draped with ‘unlucky’? I can boldly debate that notion with no shame, because I know a number of good, proud, wise, responsible loving, well raised black men I’d be proud not ‘lucky’ to date. And trust me these men are not made-up imaginary characters in my head, they do exist in the flesh!
There is already a certain stigma that continues to enshrine interracial relationships (in this case, black woman-white man) and society isn’t always kind. Fact is anyone who dates interracially runs the risk of incurring disapproval (verbal or non-verbal) from friends, strangers and/or family. Just as dating interracially based on stereotype is objectionable, so is dating someone, anyone for false personal gain or because you suffer from your own internalized issues with racism.
The person you are dating should be the primary reason for entering any relationship, not because it’s cool or for what you can get out of him. There are a fair share of problems posed by cultural differences and issues, expectations, stresses, tensions be it racial or personal (from family, friends and society), occasional whispers and stares that come with dating across the colour barrier, before you tackle your relationship issues. Now do not add to that drama by having unreasonable, unrealistic and untrue expectations both on yourself and your partner. Date who you want but make sure it is for the right reasons and do not make a permanent decision on temporary emotions.
At the end of the day it is all about who you truly love, not who they are, what they can do/provide for you or what skin they come draped in. Remember, black isn’t always bad and white isn’t always good. People have their own preferences, trust me ,I have mine too and I’m not talking Maasai… Let me stop here before I get into more trouble. 😉
Love and light!