I came across this forwarded email this morning and thought I’d share it with you, consider this my one-good-deed-a-day exercise. after all sharing is caring, right?
“S-e-x is natures way of saying Hi!”- unknown
[please note: I copied and pasted the following however, I have edited it to suit my style of writing]
Sex according to Pastor Khathide
A lot of people don’t associate sex with God, they associate it with darkness, as if sex weren’t holy. The bible is explicit when it comes to sex. Sex is holy within marriage, and there is no prescribed style. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that the missionary position is the only sexual style.
Not discussing sex in a relationship leads to divorce!!!!!.
Pastor Khathide has counselled women who’ve complained: my husband treats me as if I were his brother.
There was one who told him: ”I am tired of getting sex fortnightly, like a salary.” Khathide told her how lucky she was to be getting sex fortnightly, since some wives only get it on big days, like elections. Many husbands leave their wives to seek sexual pleasures in Hillbrow or elsewhere.
Have you ever asked yourself what those women have that you don’t?
Wives have become very frigid and even sleep in their underwear. If you’re a married woman, you should sleep naked and let your bum touch your husband. (LOL…) Today you find men going out of their way to get a glimpse of a vagina. They page through magazines and even go to lingerie departments stores hoping to see what’s hidden under the under garment, because their wives hide it from them. Marriage is about being free with your body in front of your partner. Both husband and wife should feel free to parade naked in front of each other.
There are many married women who don’t know what their husbands’ penises look like. They only feel it when he enters her. They’ve never touch it, let alone seen it, because the husband switches off the lights before undressing. A penis is a wife’s toy – she is supposed to play with it.
He blames couples for not making time for sex and complaining about being tired after a day’s work. You find many couples who’ve been sexually starved for years. God created sex for procreation and for pleasure. You can’t marry and not have a good time in bed.
WHO SAID YOU CAN ONLY HAVE SEX AT NIGHT?
Why can’t you drive home during lunch and have a quickie with your wife? We’re all equal in sex – it’s not just about a woman satisfying a man. You have to satisfy each other. Have you ever seen a woman who is sexually satisfied? Have you noticed how she glows and the bounce in her step?
”Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Woman reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you think God is playing a practical joke?”- Rita Rudner
TO MY DEAR WIFE:
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren’t in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn’t want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there’s a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I’m finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
KEEP READING……. 😉
TO M Y DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn’t get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn’t come
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and some one kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was runny
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book 98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on T V
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn’t talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, “Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?” The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.