PUMI'S blog…

SAHM-Stay-at-home mom

Being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) is not a result of marrying a “Rich” man, an old man whose life is about to expire, nor is it a life of “leisure” as some women and men for that matter term it.  It is not a decision easily made which most of the time includes making that difficult transition from being a “high-powered career-driven woman in power suits and killer heels to being a homemaker.

A choice so rich and rewarding with a lot of challenges yet taken for granted by many. SAHM’s have the choice of going back to their careers believe it or not. Stay at home mom’s are educated women who sacrificed their careers to raise their children themselves and take care of their husbands and homes, they are underpaid non-vacationed yet very skilled domestic engineers.

As a (almost) 30-year-old woman, I am  perceived by some acquaintances, friends and family members alike as a woman who lacks ambition, for putting what was my successful career aside to be a SAHM, which is not true.  Thus making me ashamed in the past to utter it out loud when asked “what is it that you do?” If I was such a woman of leisure, then please explain what in Heavens Name I am doing up at 05:08 AM in the office (at home of course)  not having slept a wink with a pad, pen and my desktop, instead of snoring the night away???

Since some are so quick to pass nay remarks and mysterious smirks (yes I see those too) let me break it down for you in a tone you can understand…

1. Yes I’m a wife to a Top Executive, think it’s rosy? wear my shoes for just 30 min and feel the reality. HOT hah?

2. DH (Dear hubby) works hard for his family, which at times requires him to go on frequent and lengthy business trip spending plenty of time away from home.  Can you stay away from your man for a month? oh shoot, I forgot you don’t have one!!!  Painful ain’t it? that’s how I feel when you call me a “woman of leisure”

3. I stay at home to manage and nurture my children, husband and marriage.  Shopping is only but a minute benefit.

4. I choose to see my kids grow and do not want to be told, we all have the right to choose, right?

5. I realised shortly after I said “I DO” to my husband that I also said “I DO” to the corporation my hubby works for, but only attend necessary social functions.

6. I make it my business to be well-informed about hubby’s business/work yet choose not to meddle in how he goes about it on a daily, and still offer an ear at the end of every evening (where possible) as my role changes from SAHM to wife and family psychiatrist.

7. I am NOT Mrs. TOP EXECUTIVES wife, I have a name so please use it.

8. I don’t have a ‘typical’ day, remember I have a toddler who’s tantrums are at its peak and daughter who is 10 yrs going on 30.

9. I have good days and bad days and I am not yet menopausal.  On good days, housework get’s done, baby fed on time, goes down for a nap when supposed to, I can find a bit of time to work, bath/shower myself, cook lunch and dinner, help my daughter with her homework, evening walk to the park, bath and tuck them in.

10. My typical day: you ready? Wake up when baby gets up, sometimes at 04:00am, change diaper, fix food for him, make sure I am awake, wake big sister up for school and help her get ready, fix coffee for hubby (when home), chase Lil man up and down the stairs to try get him to eat or dressed, turn on telly CNN (for hubby), make sure big sister is not running late for the school bus, clean up dishes/cups, clean the house, make some tea for me, play with Lil man, put in educational dvd then teach him the ABC’s and 123’s, laundry (hubby always needs clean shirts readily available), nap time for Lil man means speedy shower for me, then fit in Facebook and twitter (thank God I have it on my BB), fit in a bit of work/studying/writing, Lil man wakes, lunch time,clean up, change of clothes and nappy,get into the car and drive to play date/play group/swimming lessons or park until nap time,drive back home in time for big sis to get home from school and help with homework, dinner, bath, play time then bed.

My rewards in turn are wet sloppy kisses, WHY questions to every “STOP IT” (min 50 a day), dancing, laughing, hugs, Lil man sometimes helps with wiping the floor, making more of a mess but that is ok and Big Sis helps with the dishes, breaks a few glasses , that too is ok(sometimes).

All this done single-handed until I reached breaking point recently and decided to hire house help ‘God sent’!

When hubby comes home from work (when not traveling) he never really knocks off.  You will find him in the office replying to emails or busy with conference calls that take forever, seriously!… when all I need is a little break to just lie down, read a magazine or just call my mom to vent!!! By the time I’m done with the kids and in need of some adult conversation to stimulate my mind instead of ‘gugu gaga’ my dearest hubby is in bed snoring away with a book on his chest.  I then turn to Facebook ,Twitter and BBM (hubby HATES me being associated with these social networking sites including BBM, “Shamehe must just be strong!”).  So when I take time out to fly home and visit my Mom, Dad and Siblings in South Africa without hubby and the kids it is 100% well deserved ME time.

You still think i am a woman of leisure???

This entry was published on June 9, 2010 at 04:37 and is filed under Domestic Engineers. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

19 thoughts on “SAHM-Stay-at-home mom

  1. maria on said:

    this is really a good advice to all the women out there. i love it

  2. mzi ntlola on said:

    I’m but one of those who witnessed you building a career in a foreign country that was very hostile to a very competent, strong and yet humble (black) woman. We all know that this being a ‘man’s world’ – it doesn’t take kind to a women that I just discribed, but through all of that you soared and made no excuses for that.

    Perhaps I was one of those who did not understand(rather scared) when you made the decision to become a SAHM(your term..) as I believed then that Etihad or any organisation were being deprived of ambition and intellegence that have no measure(I’m not paid to say this things…lol). But yet again I’m reminded that for everything there is a season – a time for every purpose under heaven – and perhaps this is your purpose(mysteries of life..I tell you..)!

  3. Ntsoaki Nsibanyoni on said:

    Interesting that as a woman one never really seems to be given ‘credit’ where its worth.You wear a high powered suit and heels,have your qualifications and you are rocking your influencial position and all people say about you is that you either ‘slept’ your way up or you are an ‘AA/EE’ appointment.Then you ‘choose’ to be a SAHM then is as you say,you are deemed to be a woman of leidure or a ‘TOP Exec’s wife’.It never really is about your skill,efforts and abilities!!!!Ignorant is what they choose to be.Good Blog mom!Ntsoaki Nsibanyoni

    • Hey Ntsoaki *waves* it is truelly sad indeed when you work hard “careerwise’ you are seen as ‘sexing your way to the top’ and when you ‘choose’ to stay at home and RAISE your kids it is seen as a sign of weakness… *shaking my head*
      One can only live their best life. Thank you

      Live with intergrity and LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE- Oprah.com

  4. Naledi on said:

    I love it my friend we don’t have it easy… Infact its much easier to just send kids off to day care…

  5. anitajd on said:

    Loved your post, as I am in the same boat! Cheers to us!

  6. Zani on said:

    Hi Cuzz

    Zani here…

    I attended an interesting conference at The United Nations earlier this year. The theme was on Gender mainstreaming (how can mainstream society ensure that gender issues are addressed in all fields: financially, health wise, socially, economically, etc) and that our world policies are gender sensitive. What struck me about your block is that you immediately addressed the issues that came out of this conference. That male dominated roles or careers are what is being recognised as decent and progressive work. The united nations stance on decent work is that unremunerative jobs that are not recognized or protected by law. Yet as recognised by the UN is that women do most of the productive labour and get paid the least. So I guess what I am trying to say is that people are ignorant and they will see your choice as lack of ambition. Purely from a condensed lens.

    I for one have been drawn to your view simply because I am at the opposite end and finding that I am happier in a place where I can put in care and love into what I do. So my time off has been marvellous. I had teh opportunity to do day to day activities because I enjoy them and I am doing them out of personal and selfish love. I love my work but it’s not done because I have a love and personal care for it. Not sure if I am making sense.

    Want to write more but the worlds aren’t coming out clearly.

    I think you are great and you must remember not everyone is in a genuine space…

    Lots of love

  7. I am speechless, i was once a SAHM – i relate to your blog!

  8. hi I was fortunate to look for your Topics in google
    your subject is impressive
    I obtain much in your subject really thank your very much
    btw the theme of you site is really wonderful
    where can find it

  9. This is spot on! Love it. Especially where u siad you made a choice to watch your kids grow and not have a nanny tell you about it.

  10. Lucky you can hire house help though! Not in Australia! One of the things i miss most about home lol

  11. This is a great post. I agree. Moms work incredibly hard and being a good parent is itself a full-time job.

  12. Oh my goodness! Awesome article dude! Thank you so much, However I am having issues with your RSS.
    I don’t understand why I can’t join it. Is there anybody having the same RSS issues?

    Anybody who knows the answer can you kindly respond? Thanx!!

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